Careless and caring.

So it's back to this.
Disappointed gestures run through me.
Every waking moment, I'm thoughtless.
Then again, I'm thoughtful.

It hasn't happened yet,
but it's at close range that it will emerge.
It will come forth through the ashes,
the ashes that came from the flame of hurt.

Burned in and burned out.
It's just another one.
Observe as you please,
but don't forget a thing from before.

Lies cross through your mouth without knowing.
Sometimes careless represents you.
Caring knows you well too though.
Careless and caring, you are.

Things just don't always match up, do they?

You did this.

& she says don't give up.
But all you can do is ignore.
You stare out into the clouds of hope.
You come back with nothing.
You think to yourself,
what's there to do now?
She comes back and sees you.
You look hurt and alone.
She can't do anything.
She looks and suffers.
You're making her like this.
You did this to yourself,
now bring your own self back.

He'll see.

Let the lies flow through.
You'll grab him by the hip,
with your tongue in your cheek.
You embrace him,
but you're looking at someone else.
When you make eyes,
everyone notices but him.
Does this make him a fool,
or does it make you a bigger tramp.

But under city lights he'll see.

Painted nails.

Painted nails never looked so good.
Hands slipped into every one of them.
Curls dangling at your exposed collar.
They'll bounce with every step and move.
Every face is caked with a cherry on top.
The true identity never shows through.
Charm and looks lets you get your way.
Now choke upon the words that you use.
They don't need this, and they don't need you.

We'll run away.

When collar bones and hip bones are exposed the mind goes crazy. With a kiss placed upon my lips, everything gets thrown. We're still seventeen. Let's live this through with no regrets while we still can. The big bad world is going to get us one day. We'll run away though. Let me take your hand. Let me embrace your fragile body. Let me be your hero. I'll get us out. We'll run away...

Maybe.

Just maybe, one day, I'll let you read it...

I promise.

I'm over it. But you still seem to seep into my mind through the little cracks available. As much as I try and block you out, you're still there. I'm keeping my promise. Although I'm losing hope that you're keeping yours too.

Paper or plastic.

"Paper or plastic?" was what he asked.
She said paper. I said plastic.
Paper may be looking better in most situations. But it's plastic that'll actually help from breaking. It's also plastic that will still be there when the water is drenched upon the both of us.

Practice makes perfect.

Since then, nothing's been hitting my mind... Wait, no. That's a lie. Plenty have been passing through. I just haven't been able to put things out into words. But basically, we're getting there again. Almost. Although, not quite at all. When I think I've got something, it's gone.

Let me just say though, she's plastered. I'm solemn.

Cycled.

I didn't know, but I did...

The heated droplets fall from the chilled fire with pieces of you inside.

It's not because you held your hand out for her. You also just slapped me with that same hand too.

I'm looking for the guy to end the cycle still.

Girls do what they want.

I wonder and ask.
I get nothing.
You seem like a hard case to crack.
Oh what was that?
You were looking for crack?...
Go on to the woman over there.
She's got the crack and will use it.
She'll use it for her, and she'll use it on you.

Tell me what you will.
I'll find out the rest on my own.
I won't give up on this gig.
I'll figure it out just like how I put this together.

Girls do what they want.

I know, I know. I don't know. But maybe from now knowing, I do know...

Slipped away.

I wanna let go... How'd he do it? What happened? I thought we had it...
"What do you feel right now?"
hah. I feel as if nothing good ever comes to me, fully. It'll make it's way to me, but soon enough, it slips away right through my fingers.

Trailed.

You're leaving a trail for me to follow.
I follow through with you and your games,
but soon you'll give me nothing else to swallow.
I'll get tired and you'll be left with your fame.

I see right under all of this,
but I solemnly still stick around.
I'm curious if you'll bring me bliss,
and so far, you've left me profound.

As much as I should stay away,
I want to keep going on with it.
You are a bunch of cliches,
and it's something I'll admit.

That should all stop me,
but I'm still here.
I'm here willingly.
It may be safe to stay, or be severe.

Oh, but if only you pulled me in like that in bed.

The feeling.

You made my heart jolt.
When we touched, butterflies flew.
It is all your fault.
It's something actually new.

You had me before,
but I didn't feel anything.
You had me down right to the core.
Maybe now it's more of a something.

Just thinking about it makes me have the feeling.
The feeling as if I'm falling deep.
But then blended in, is as if I'm winning,
winning with just a little leap.

We'll talk every minute of every hour,
and every hour of every day.
Our chemisty is something to devour,
and we react to each other in every other way.

What will this lead to?
No one can tell us.
We don't know what to do.
We'll just live on and on with lust.

Surroundings.

You know if you just sit outside and look at your surroundings, it's great. Not everyone notices the little things. But if you really look, it'll be there.
Las Vegas isn't just the city of lights and sin. It has the little beauty too. Sure, the luminosity is beauty, itself. But there are other things that make up this place. Right now, I'm sitting outside in my backyard at around 9pm. What do I hear? The regular crickets here and there. What do I see? Well, first of all, I see darkness. & when I look up, I do see stars. I see a lot actually. Some are brighter than the others. Some are closer to each other than the others. If I was in my front yard and looked out, I would see mountains. Mountains all around me because of this valley. If I was standing up on this dusty, old table, I'd see the Strip and it's colours. Vegas is a small city actually, but it does contain a lot.
Little things can contain the most of all things.

We Say Summer.

"You're as fake as the moans you make. & you're as weak as the hearts you break."
You fake pleasure and happiness. You want to make everyone think you're having the best time of your life, but on the inside, even you know, that's not true. You're just as weak as anyone else out there. You try and hide it from everyone, but you're fooling no one.

Summer's coming to an end. Less than a week, I'll be going back to school as a freshman. Honestly, this summer, wasn't as great as I wanted it to be. The summer of 2007 was so much better, for me anyways. & I'm pretty disappointed in that too. I mean, this was the summer where everyone's gonna be going off to different high schools when school rolls around again. We should have definitely spent more time with each other. That's what I think, at least. People are going to be forgotten. People will be remembered. There will be the moments that'll seep through our memories at the randomest times when we're looking back. We'll miss it and wish to go back. But I guess, all that matters, is that, that it happened.
"We say summer holds such wonderful things."

"Change never hurt anybody."
But can people really change, Mr. Gaskarth?

Best friends.

Who does make the best of friends? I'm a girl. I don't like the drama. Being close friends with girls may cause you drama. Being close friends with guys will just make you chill and not give a care in the world. Girls seem more understanding though... But guys won't judge. While the girls probably will pull an assumption out the second they hear something that didn't sound right without the whole story. But guys should understand... They probably do. We just don't give them enough credit. I don't know. It could be the tiredness talking. But anyways, a best friend shouldn't judge though, right? Whatever. I think I'd be better off with a guy best friend. I don't know. I still love my best friends right now though. Of course. But they won't always be there... Everyone's going somewhere different already.
But with the risk of that best guy friend, you could totally fall for him...

When

will I ever get time for me. Trust me, I appreciate everything you do. But in the end, I'm still left there not given what I want and need. It all just wounds up right to you guys again. I know I'm seflish at times, but hey, who isn't? Okay, right now, I am caring for myself. But still, this means a lot to me. Most of this summer has been nothing for me. This one thing, just this, can make it so much better. Summer's almost over. School is coming around again. Yeah, this is little and stupid. But I'm still hurt through it...

Why do you

do this to me? I thought my thoughts were gone of you. But you know what happened, "I'll always care for you." That's what happened. I didn't actually know I put you into a shitty place. Now I just feel like a torturing bitch. I'm sorry I did that to you. As many times as you say it's okay, it's not. I'm a person full of sympathy and feeling... Besides you knew yourself, you were hurt. What I was trying to do was hang up my feelings and leave them there. But then I go back to the hanger and see them drooping there. They're nothing new. But it's nice looking at the past. Sometimes the past can come back too...

Opinions.

Things can be perceived differently from another's eye at any point and about anything. Don't let another person's thoughts confuse you within a subject. You'll only have to see for yourself and create your own opinion. Opinions shouldn't be taken so seriously either. It's what someone thinks. It may or may not be something that the other person next to them is thinking, that's okay. We shouldn't be thinking the same exact thing. That would be utterly boring. We were created to have diverse reasonings and such. & when there's something we agree on, then okay, cool. We'll let that be too and not hammer down someone because they're thinking the same thing too.

Why...

You'll wonder why and why. Why is a simple, one worded question that we ask all the time. But the answers to the question can take forever to get through to your head or to explain. I asked myself why today... I didn't have an answer. I didn't know anyone who had the answer. I wanted to know though... I'm sure a lot of other people wanted to know too. I don't think anyone knows except for himself, actually. I don't think it'll be something we will find out either. He keeps to himself. But I keep to myself too. People fake smiles. People will lie. It could be helping you, and even themselves. I hope he's doing just fine.

Aggrivated.

Wow. People bother me. Like honestly, I would know if there was a difference. Out of all people, I think I would know. So, if you want to lay out your opinions about it, don't shove them to me. I'll probably just ignore what you say or just go with it other than actually say what I have to say. I would usually say what I want to get out, but with this, people will just deny it. Whatever. He seems to always be put into situations where it seems like only I know the truth.

Hesitation.

He could get any girl he wanted, almost, and yet he's still hesitant.


The cold nips at your bare skin.
The tile is at it like an anodyne.
There's pain and pleasure,
but nothing else could measure.

You're oh so eager.
We're just giving ourselves a fever.
A fever we can't sweat out?
No, a fever we want without a doubt.

But what are we doing?
Baby, we are moving...
Moving with no intention,
but moving with dedication.

Am I making any sense?
This experiment is so dense.
I want something more,
something that just won't give me a bore.

Oh, we're at it again.

Preparation.

Your left side is really your strong side. But then again, it can be your weak side. It all just depends. Be prepared for anything.

Imagery.

The image shot towards us isn't always the one we truly are.


You're out there stomping,
but really all there is, is faking.
Things said sink beneath,
& from there you have to take a final leap.

Jump onto you.
You just need to fulfill.
It isn't always about wealth.
So go on and build yourself.

I'm done with a dash of something else.

I'm done, I'm done.
I wouldn't exactly say I'm on the run.
Ignored and put away,
hopefully I haven't hurt you too much, babe.

You just sunk in,
all my mind needed was a rinse.
I'm cleansing me of you.
That's all I really have to do.

You were a catch,
& I just wanted to play fetch.
But I know now,
you never really gave me a wow.

I just let my mind be tricked.
now finally, I've been kicked,
kicked with the truth of it.
& honestly, I don't miss you a bit.

Hidden behind doors,
people don't know.
They ask why and why.
They concluded it was all just a lie.

It was no lie,
it's just not right.
I need someone of brain.
& you know I'm always falling for the fame.

It's ugly, but true.
It's really nothing new.
You know me,
& I come with a fee.


Reading some old blogs do something, and it always will with him.


How is 'nothing' comforting? Now, I don't mean nothing as in nothing at all... But I mean nothing as in blankness. Like, staring up at a ceiling; nothing, staring at the faces that grace my walls; nothing, staring at clouds; nothing. That nothing. It could just be me though... I know my mind works way too hard and seamlessly. But hey, I like it that way. I like complex and yet I like simple.

Dreams.

I can't help but to daydream so much. These dreams are just so much better than reality. You say dreams won't get you anywhere, but that's really where your future could start. You have hope for something, then you go out and do it, then maybe, your wish came true. So dreams could be measured as the foundation of life. But don't get sucked into your dream world so much. Soon enough, you won't be able to tell the difference anymore. As much as you would like to stop with the real world, you have to wake up sometimes.

Drama.

Immature pointless drama leads you to confusion. You're left standing there saying, 'what the fuck...?' to yourself and observing. People will drag you into things even if you weren't the problem. You could just be friends with the drama and yet it rubs off onto you, and you now have drama. It could be called a disease. There is actually a cure though. But, some choose not to sought out for the cure. Some let it thrive through with nothing resolved. You're still there, left without reason.

Selfish.

You're put into situations that you don't want to go through all the time. Even if the situation calls a better life for you, maybe you don't exactly want to go that way. You'll disappoint people, but hopefully, you will please yourself in the end. & that's all that matters, right? Sometimes you just have to be selfish. It's your life and you're going to live it; day in, day out.

Change.

Change isn't always for the better. You could maybe even also lose people along the path you're taking. They say that they will always be there... But maybe when you've come up with a different face other than the one they're used to, they could just leave you standing there alone.

Appreciate.

There are moments in life where you don't want to be there. But really, you need to take the time and appreciate it. You're still alive and breathing, that's what should matter. Forget about your boredom and anger and just sit back and relax. Look at the little details in things. You could find more than just the minor stuff in it. Hold your memories close.